Wednesday, March 31, 2010

If My Goats Were Criminals

To pass time during our milking chores, we make up silly stories about our goats. Each one has a different personality, and it's fun to imagine them in funny situations. Here's what we think each one would do if they were criminals.

Jezebel, our herd queen, is strong and confident. We can see her driving a Hummer through the gates of a top secret military base to steal classified files and the formula for weapons-grade cheese. She could certainly butt her way out through the guards with her adamantium-reinforced skull.

Flopsy is our glamorous fashion goat. We can see her arriving stylishly in a limousine at an after-hours club just after stealing millions in jewels and furs. Everyone would know, but be so mesmerized by her dazzling beauty, they would forget to call the police.

Betty is all about speed. We see her stealing prototype sports cars to race on her private track, just for the rush. She would never be caught, because with her super speed she can never be caught.

Mimzy is our naughty old woman. We can see her loading her pockets with extra bananas at the salad bar and sneaking them all back to her RV. If ever questioned Mimzy has perfected a really pathetic look, that somehow gets her out of everything.

Coco Puff is our super-smart Ninja goat. We see her using Ninja skills to gain impossible entry to a high-tech corporate facility to steal computer codes for video games and iPhone apps, to sell on the black market. She is so clever, no one would be able to tell that she was even there.

I wonder if the goats find all these stores funny, or if they are just amused that we are amused somehow.

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